Dealing with Grief During the Holidays
Christmas carols, lights, decadent desserts, family, friends, celebrations, parties, gifts, stockings, eggnog, traditions and possible vacation time are all things I think about when it comes to celebrating Christmas and New Years. Joy and laughter fill my mental picture of what the holidays bring.
This year however, I am thinking of those who may be struggling with hurt, loss, or grief. As much as the holidays can be joyous, for some, they are a reminder of a precious loss for others. It could be of someone no longer here to celebrate with us, or an unexpected change in our lives.
What does grief look like?
Grief comes in several forms. Usually we think about the loss of a loved one or a friend, but it could be the loss a dream, or a vision for your future that no longer seems possible. It could mean the loss of a precious fur baby, a marriage, or a friendship.
Grief isn’t simple and it isn’t always obvious. It can catch us off guard but it can also be an invited guest. You may not even realize it’s what you are experiencing until you sit with your discomfort for awhile.
As I think about so many who have suffered loss this year, I am reminded how important it is to reach out to those hurting. To offer love, prayers, kindness, a hug, and time.
What can I do to help someone grieving?
- Let them know you remember. Often someone grieving believes they are responsible for keeping a loved one’s memory alive. It is comforting to them to know others remember.
- Give them space to talk. Let them tell their story, even if it is the tenth time you have heard it. When we share our memories and experiences, we heal.
- Just be there. Advice and solutions aren’t necessary. More than anything, someone grieving needs you to be present with them. To be willing to sit in that sadness and maybe silence is a huge gift. By being there you are connecting with them and sharing your calm and peace with them.
How do I deal with my own grief?
- Spend time journaling. This can take numerous forms. One of my favorites are to write letters to my loved one. This is an excellent place to say all of the things you wish you would have said. Another favorite is to write prayers. I talk to God about what I am going through. I include scripture about God’s faithfulness to help me remember and to experience a response from God.
- Talk it out. This can feel very healing. Imagine your loved one is sitting there with you. Say all of the things on your heart that you are holding onto. Your sadness, frustration, loss… all of it. Be transparent and honest with yourself (and them) about what you are going through.
- Make time for quiet. One of my favorite ways to experience quiet time is to turn off all the lights but those of the Christmas tree and maybe a few candles, turn on my diffuser with some calming holiday scents, and maybe turn on some Christmas music softly. Curling up in a comfy chair with hot chocolate or tea in this ambiance can be very cathartic. Sometimes we need to create a comfortable space to escape the holiday crazy. You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you give yourself some space to experience your emotions.
Dealing with the clog
Whatever it is you are experiencing this year, give yourself space to feel the emotions that go with it. Emotions, experiences, and trauma that go unexplored can eventually create a clog inside of us. Think of it like that nasty hairball of grossness that clogs your bathtub drain. Super nasty right? When we don’t take time to deal with our hurts they end up as part of that giant, slimy, stinky clog. The more feelings we don’t process, the bigger that clog grows. I am quite certain that none of us want that! The only way to remove that gross emotional hairball is to express it. Talk about it, write about it, sing about it… just let it out. When you do, you will begin to feel a freedom. The clog will shrink and eventually go away, and you can heal.
Grief is complicated. It can pounce on us seemingly out of nowhere. It has the power to completely derail every plan, and suck out all of our joy. Grief requires patience, compassion and empathy. As we journey through this holiday season I pray we are able to embrace those suffering, that they may know they are not alone.
I pray you are leaning on Christ as we look to celebrate His birth. He is the great Comforter and can fill you with peace. Trust him, call out for him and he will be there. This touched me and is my prayer for you. Take a couple minutes to sit with God and pray this prayer for yourself, or the grieving at Christmas.
What are some of the most effective ways you have found to deal with grief?
