Facing our Pain in Order to Heal 

Facing our Pain in Order to Heal 

Healing comes not by avoiding pain, but by facing it and growing through it.
Hiding from our discomfort is pretty easy…
We busy ourselves.
Watch TV.
Scroll through social media.
Eat comfort foods to feel better.
Make excuses.
 

Buried Pain

Eventually the discomfort is buried and we have forgotten about it. We have an automatic reaction that when we feel our pain, we  reach for our preferred method of hiding. We now completely bypass the part where we feel uncomfortable. 

Here’s the deal. You can undo this habit, but it will take some work. When you feel some discomfort and you reach for your numbing tool (mac n cheese perhaps), stop and notice.
Where is your discomfort coming from? What is the emotion you are feeling? It might be difficult to identify depending on how long you have buried your hurt.
 

How do we heal?

Sit quietly and try some mindfulness exercises. Do a body scan in your mind. Say a prayer and ask God to help reveal the buried hurt. Try pulling out a journal and writing. Keep writing… seriously, keep going… These are all methods that can help you on your journey towards healing.
Discovering our buried hurts will be like peeling back the layers of an onion. You may think you have reached it, only to discover something else you had forgotten about.
There is a good chance these hurts can bridge all the way back to your childhood. Here is why. We receive messages throughout our lives. They are positive or negative. As we get older we better learn how to manage these messages. We may decide to embrace some, while others we decide are totally inaccurate.
 

Being hurt as children

When we receive these messages as children, we don’t have the maturity or filter what is right or wrong. We can’t  determine what someone else’s intention was for their comment or action. Were they trying to help us and went about it in a bad way? Were they a bully? Do we need to even listen to them?
For example, as a young child I was a performer. I sang and danced and was on stage. It was told, “Erin, if you would only lose 10 pounds you could be up front more.” I was even told once “Overweight people on stage make the audience uncomfortable.”
 

 
The problem is, I when I heard this as a child, I didn’t have the skills to process the intention behind the words or the maturity to put the comments aside. Instead, I understood this as rejection. I spent years reaching for comfort food or trying to protect myself. It is still a work in progress to recognize a feeling of hurt and NOT go through a drive thru for quick comfort. Instead, I try to focus and figure out what triggered me and made me want to run for french fries. I mean, let’s be real, french fries are not going to help anything!
 

It really is possible

You can do this too. It will take some time to start noticing where your burying habits have formed. One way that has really helped me, has been through practicing mindfulness. By focusing and quieting my mind I am able to identify my discomfort and the feeling associated with it. 
Another way mindfulness has helped me, has been by focusing when I reach for my comfort foods. I focus when I taste them. What do they really taste like? How do they make my body feel when I eat them? This is another piece of our puzzle. When we reach for our comfort, we also zone out. We are reaching for a memory of comfort instead of actually comfort. Slow down and take notice! 
Are you starting to notice how complex we are in order to protect ourselves? 
Not to worry, you can make your way through the maze. It won’t happen overnight. Be kind to yourself. you will get there.
Give it a try. It won’t be easy…but it will be healing.